Tuesday, January 29, 2013

The Morning After

Something I jotted down the morning after the fire.  It may not make much sense, but my mind was not working properly due to the events of the night before, and due to the fact that I had not slept.

The Morning After

It's the stuff you read about in the paper.  It's the stuff you see on TV.  It's not ever supposed to happen to you.  You think that you can imagine it.  You think that you can sympathize with people who have had it happen to them.

You CAN'T.  It's beyond anything that you can comprehend.  It's beyond your wildest dreams.  You can't understand unless you've been there.  You can glimpse into the world.  You can feel that you're living in the world, but it's not yours.  A glimpse is not enough.  A glimpse doesn't allow you to understand or feel or do anything as deeply as if it is your own world.

I always thought that I could sympathize.  I was wrong.  It's impossible until you ARE the victim.

And even though I know that I'm still in a state of shock; I'm still running on adrenaline, and I won't fully realize tonight's horrors until later, I now have the total and complete understanding that

I am a victim.  My world has changed.  I am a victim.


dannyscotland said...

I know that I don't understand what you are going through, but I can see the pain that you have been going through and it makes me so sad. I am so sorry, there are no words.

Bloggie McBlogger said...

Thank-you so much. <3

And when I wrote this, I didn't write it to be snippy to anyone, but it was just a sudden realization that I had. It was a "whoa... I thought that I could imagine, but I never knew..." Kind of how you think you know the love your parents have for you until you have your own kids, and then you're blown away. <3

dannyscotland said...

I didn't think it was snippy at all!!! I didn't mean that, I hope I didn't say that! No, no, I sort of understand where you're coming from with this. I had a miscarriage between my two girls, and I was really okay about it, really and truly, but I did NOT want people being all sympathetic and sorrowful--I was *really* okay--I just wanted them to be normal. I know it's not anything remotely like your situation, I just mean I know what you're saying about wanting people to just kind of leave you be til you sort things out within yourself. :-) It's totally okay to feel that way! I don't know you at all, but I really do hope that you are doing all right and I really do think about this a lot and think of you and your family.